The night before

I never thought packing would be this hard! It's difficult to make cutbacks, when you're used to having everything you want or need. I mean, twice in the last month I have cleaned out my closet and made donations, and I still have more clothes than I can pack. (And I even have vacuum bags!) It's been a surreal experience up to this point, and it's only just beginning to hit me...... I am moving... to live... in Spain for the next couple of years. I get so excited when I think about it! I can only imagine the things the Lord will use me for. Even then, I know he will exceed me expectations.

This all began when I was 15 and on a mission trip in Venezuela with the high school. I wasn't even suppose to go, except that my mom was the translator for our team. The very last night of worship I experience what I can only describe as complete and utter brokenness. I was on my knees crying.... no sobbing. Then I heard a voice, it was the Holy Spirit who said to me, "Why don't you ask Him what He wants." I answered, "*Ahem*, ok. God, what do you want?" I looked up with blurry vision, but saw one thing quite clearly..... the word NATIONS on the projector screen. "I want you to tell the nations about me" My sobbing had subsided for that moment and then shock hit me.... but looking back I would call it stupidity. I cried out "No! You don't want me! I'm not good enough. That's for people like my parents. I'll mess everything up." Very gently He comforted me, "It won't be you, it will be me. You are just my vessel". I lost the air my lungs were holding, I became frozen in fear. I was thinking of the family I would have, and those stories you hear about missionaries being kidnapped and tortured. I hadn't even said anything, but he heard my thoughts. "If I send you, I'll take care of you". I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace, knowing that I could trust Him. "ok" I said, and that was our agreement.... that I would be obedient, and I would let him have to controls.

Now here I am, and I can hardly believe I'm at this point in my life. Looking back at the life I've lived, I couldn't feel more humbled that God would choose to use me! But I'm thankful to have a more full understanding of grace and mercy and love. So this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life!

Let me know you've been here, leave a comment! I can use your prayers!